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Why do people disappear in the middle of otherwise promising conversations on online dating sites? What's going on? Threead am a guy in his 30s in NY. I often women on OKCupid and start a conversation that seems like it's going well -- we are sending interesting, funny and flirtatious s back and forth, we have definite things and common and stuff to talk about, they may have added me to their favorites -- and then they disappear and stop responding. I'd say this happens around half the time, sometimes at the point when I suggest meeting in real life for drinks or coffee usually after 3 or 4 stnread times nothing in particular precipitates it.

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Hell, I've had women flake out on me after they were the ones who suggested meeting. If you're not seeing a particular intro you were notified about, or a conversation in either Active or Older Conversations, one of the following might be the case: You may have blocked the other person The other person may have blocked you The other person may have deleted their The other person may be in a moderation hold The other person may have been banned For privacy reasons, we cannot tell you which of these will be the case.

The s have turead on for a while and there's been no concrete suggestion of meeting. Thanks for the feedback! Other kessage, someone else swoops in and does a more elaborate bee dance, and so their attention is okcu;id away from you.

You can stop responding at virtually any time. The OKCupid blog has no way to know which women are "most attractive. He is a very sweet guy and I didn't want him thinking he had offended me or that I was blowing him off He was still willing disappearwd talk to me, we met shortly thereafter, and we've ,essage together ever since. Love her to death and we are pretty dam perfect together.

The few times I tried saying "hey, thanks, but not interested anymore" I was completely attacked. The blog did not say if it was Quickmatch only, where profile content would be a confound.

I was messaging someone but the chat disappeared?

If the conversation has been inactive for 90 days, it will move to the Older Conversations. Generally I would rather just stop receiving s from someone than get one saying "Can we stop ing now, I realised I don't like you very much". I'd much prefer a curt "We decided to go with someone else" form letter than to be kept waiting indefinitely for word. I think in addition to what jeather said some women go onto dating sites for a boost of self-esteem They made it sound like they considered photos only, in isolation of everything else, but they really didn't write anything about their methods so I can only give them the benefit of the doubt that they controlled for profile content somehow.

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I'd actually be really interested to read the s to see iwhere it went wrong. Wilson at PM on March 4, I've done this, for many of the reasons mentioned: the person said something that made me uncomfortable with further communication, I realized I didn't have anything in common with the person, I got really busy and didn't have a chance to answer, or I started dating someone and didn't need to be on the site anymore.

But this sort of thing bothers me too. No, that's the best way to do online dating in my opinion, the first real life meetup is very important for figuring out if you are actually compatible so it needs to be not long after the initial contact in my opinion. Could be anything. Do they just want online pen pals or something? I think there are four very specific things guys do wrong dating online - and that's after the four critical profile mistakes.

Honestly, I'd say ignore it and concentrate on the half that doesn't flake out. It would be one thing if this was happening a majority of the time, but half the okcupjd

Why has my match or message disappeared?

So you just wait and wait. Nothing you say indicates you're doing anything wrong.

Yes Last updated on September 24, Toggle Search. I okcupidd a guy in his 30s in NY. On the desktop website, you can reach it directly here.

We had exchanged a few messages, but then my life got really super busy and I wasn't on the site for a couple months. Your best bet is disappeaded stop having conversations and meet sooner.

Why has a member's profile disappeared from the website?

I don't think there's much you can do to screen them out. If you're getting multiple replies that don't materialize into dates, chances are you are a backburner option for that girl and she has more interesting people in the queue at the moment. I actually got positive responses from women because I was polite enough to send s saying I wasn't interested or that I'd just met someone I really liked and I don't play the multiple dating game.

You're lucky this only happens "half the time. When we first encounter someone's picture and description online, we project a lot onto them and fill in the blanks with fantasy. How are two strangers exchanging informal messages or s meant to wind down the conversation?

I understand ignoring messages visappeared people you've never communicated with, but I also find this sudden drop off from people with whom there was actual back and forth correspondence to be rude and immature. You'll see a link to Older Conversations at the bottom of your active conversations.

When there are tons of references to not wanting something serious right away or getting out of a relationship or just wanting to have fun, etc that combined with other things can lead me to believe the disappsared is actually looking more for casual sex than a relationship. That being said, I did online dating for years. Tell me about being a truck driver.

Why did an intro/conversation disappear?

When that happens, we release the messages as soon as our team determines they're legitimate; at that point. Oh yeah, you're anonymous, so you can't answer that, but it's important. Even if the other thing isn't technically exclusive, honestly I just don't have the energy to continue pursuing other people if I already have someone in my life who I'm having fun with. I would definitely recommend that you that pursue the IRL meeting at 3 or 4 s, so you can cut your time involvement to a minimum for those who end up flaking out.

I think not. And it's more important for me to protect what remains of my fragile sanity than for me to protect the feelings of someone I've never met.

Why did one of my matches disappear?

And the ones that did rarely led to 3rd dates. I can't speak to women's errors, I haven't dated them. Happens a lot on okcupid because of the public answers to questions. Just keep ing people. Sometimes you'll disaappeared, sometimes you won't. Better to let someone down than to flake out and leave them wondering.